I was recently travelling through a busy city when I was approached in a cafe by a person claiming to be a town planner. After a short conversation, it was clear that a new high rise building was needed for a site overlooking the turpentine river that runs through the city’s heart. I didn’t want to be too forward because I was just a visitor to the city, but I suggested that I could design a suitable structure in a short space of time and under budget. The town planner finished her decaffeinated coffee and drew up a contract on the reverse of a flyer advertising hot yoga which I eagerly signed.

I returned to my modest hotel and began work.

I remembered that I had been promised 1300 ship’s portholes from a sailor I met on a plane, so I made a reverse charges call to Maine and arranged for the portholes to arrive the next day at my hotel. I also designed the building in two point perspective which allowed the construction to proceed quickly and under budget which pleased the town planner and, in turn, the city. The design included limited colour (the river is naturally the colour in the drawing) so only one or two coloured pencils were required for the construction. This pleased the city and the town planner immensely.

Before I knew it, the entire building was designed and ready for the green light.

Unfortunately, the building has been lost in the bureaucracy of a big city and is currently on hold. I heard that hundreds of cement trucks were sent away from the site on groundbreaking day which was hugely embarrassing for their drivers. I’m happy to say I was paid in full for my design and I anticipate construction proceeding within the next 5 years.